Hey everyone!! WOW - this video is actually my very first Youtube video!! Haha - I can't believe it, it's the start of somethiiiing ^^
I actually recorded this video two years ago in my cozy little residence room at the University of Guelph. It's "Try" by Colbie Caillat, a song I did for a mental health showcase on campus.
Seeing as it's Bell Let's Talk day in less than two weeks, I thought I'd revive the video 😊
I also thought I'd include what I had written and posted alongside it:
"Today is March 21st [2018], meaning that it is almost two months after Bell Let's Talk day. Yep, I missed using the #BellLetsTalk hashtag...buuuut that just means I've missed donating 5 cents to Bell. That's it! :) It doesn't mean I won't talk about mental health. It doesn't mean I can't post something now to talk about mental health. Why does mental health awareness have to be confined to one day? People have struggles every day. People face challenges every day. Mental health happens every day. So we should be able to talk about it like it's normal, every day.
Well - even with all the increasing awareness about mental health (which is great, don't get me wrong), I think that there's still so much more to go and people are still uncomfortable talking about it. I mean it makes sense! It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out in front of others and to be vulnerable - no matter how accepting society is.
I know because I am trying to be more vulnerable in my day-to-day life. But a lot of people might not realize and just don't know how to respond. I know how it feels to feel like people aren't really interested in what you're saying, or how it feels like to think that others think you're being weird and a bother (note the 'think's :P). But I also need to remember that people don't necessarily know that sometimes it takes a lot of my own courage to tell even a simple story (because to them, it may not!), so I need to not expect others to react like it.
What does that mean? Well - I've been told that I'm a very sensitive person. Haha, when I first heard that I was like "really?? I don't think so" - because I had always been proud of my ability to not be affected by what others refer to as "bullies", ever since I was young. In fact, I tend to think that I barely had anyone who bullied me; I wouldn't see them as such because I would take everything very lightly and laugh or shrug it off. So in that sense, I am pretty insensitive ^~^ But when I started thinking about that statement, I realize that maybe they're right. Maybe I am pretty sensitive. Maybe not to others' comments or actions towards me, but deeper than that - maybe it's about their support and interest, especially if it's about something that means a lot to me. I realize that I am someone who evaluates their self-worth based on external validation; meaning that I need validation in order to feel like what I'm saying or doing is good, okay, and/or right. If others don't say anything after I've decided to open up or do something out of my comfort zone, I tend to be drawn into questioning if I've said anything wrong, weird, not cool, or awkward. This has nothing to do with the other person though - they could've still thought it was good, but they just didn't know to communicate it. And that's okay - it's not their fault! They literally just don't know to, and wouldn't have done the same to anyone else either. It is not on them to decode my words and/or actions! It's me - I need to stop expecting from others what I give to others. Of course, I'll still continue to support and encourage and motivate everyone on their daily journeys, but just because *I* would give affirmation - whether that's in the form of a smile, a high five or with words - to someone else when I support them does not mean that others will too when they feel the same thing. And they likely do still feel the same thing. Just because they didn't know to communicate their support/interest externally does not mean that what I did/said was not good. Yep, I am working on telling myself that. :)
I guess with that said, I just hope that I don't seem too annoying when I ask "was that okay?" (often much more indirectly lol), since I'm not asking because I think/know it was okay; I'm asking because even though it probably was okay, I need someone to tell me it was so that I can believe it.
All this is part of a work in progress. I'm working on overcoming my self-doubt and self-consciousness, and turning them into self-acceptance. I'm trying to tell myself that I don't need to seem perfect, it's okay to tell others my mistakes, it's okay to show my messy room or my pile of dirty dishes. It's okay.
I know that progress will be slow, and sometimes I wish it could be faster, but I guess that's just with all things when it comes to self-improvement. I'm really grateful for all my friends and family who have pushed me to challenge myself to step out of my comfort zone, who have supported my growth in all its aspects, and who have provided me with the space for self-reflection. ❤ I've definitely learned so much this year.
I guess I'm leaving y'all with a song...it's really not perfect, but hopefully its message outweighs my embarrassment :) It's "Try", by Colbie Caillat, and it's been my morning alarm for the past week. :P
Personally though, I don't think that the song is about not trying. Still try!! Still try hard, but don't try so hard that you're getting overwhelmed. Still try to achieve your goals, but not goals so big that prevent you from starting. Try with a purpose, but make sure your purpose is genuine and actually for the better. Try, but take care of yourself at the same time too. :)
I know that the challenges I'm working on is much, much less debilitating than those of many other people. I think that I'm pretty fortunate to just be able to see many things in a more positive light. Because of that, I recognize that there are many others to whom a little more support and openness on mental health can be helpful. And even though you might be thinking, "I'm not one of those people", I hope you know that you - yup, you reading this! ^~^ - are very valuable and special and honestly make someone else's day, every day ❤ You are the reason why someone else had a good day, and you should also be the reason why you yourself had a good day. :)
If you're struggling though - please reach out. I know, I really do know, how hard that can be. I honestly don't reach out as often as I would tell myself to if I were me in another body. But I also know, from the times when I have been open and vulnerable, more good comes out of it than bad. Of course, not every single person will be able to make your struggles disappear, but there are a lot of people out there who can make you feel a little less poopy, a little more worthy, and make life a lot more enjoyable. I think that you already know who those people are in your life, but if you need someone else - I am always here to listen, or to simply share company. And although I might not know exactly what to say, I'm still here for ya. Always. ❤ "