Published to blog on March 22, 2020 - but written December 31, 2019:
I'm dumb. I miss my stops on the bus almost more times than I don't; I lose my phone every other day when really it's just in my pocket; I write long messages and long posts like these when I don't even know if people read them (although they're mostly more for me than anyone else). I'm very dumb. 🙆🏻♀️ I know that I love too much sometimes and it will hurt me. I know that I am naive and too trusting of the world sometimes, and that will hurt me. I know that I give a lot to people and things who mean a lot to me, and it likely won't be reciprocated the same way. I know that I get too excited about things easily and am amazed at the smallest things and maybe it throws people off. I know that I do cheesy things and wear my heart on my sleeve and look at the world too idealistically and sometimes try to deny what's more realistic, when I just need to look it in the face.
But if these make me dumb...well, I think I'd still rather be dumb :') Because those are also what lets me see the world with love and joy and genuinity and beauty 😌 I don't want to give less love just so I can lose less love. I don't want to have less hope just to not risk disappointment. I don't want to be less genuine just to avoid potential exploitation. My excitement is what brightens my days, even if they aren't always realized. My trust in others lets me truly care about them, even if it means I may need to make my plate bigger. But I'm not going to change who I am just because it may be an easier life if I do. >:3 While I am constantly growing and changing for the better, there will always be parts of me - values, personalities and aspirations - that I will forever hold onto. 💛 --- 2019, you've been a hard year in many ways. From feeling overwhelmed and sorrowful during my final semester at Guelph to feeling confused and defeated in finding myself, from feeling lonely and worthless at my internship to feeling disheartened being 'too much' yet 'not enough' at the same time - it's been an #adventure alright :'P But you've taught me forgiveness, patience, gratitude and to find peace within myself. You've also given me so much strength and love and happy memories, and I honestly wouldn't have changed a single thing. I've learned so much and I have so much more to learn in the coming years, but if there's one thing I can say - it's that 🌟 you are your biggest support and source of love. 🌟 You just gotta tap into it 😌❤️